Resuming the journey

Posted by guest blogger KathyB.

St. Helena is the patron saint of among others, archaeologists, empresses and divorced people. I am one of these. My divorce was final on 11/12/2015. The 31^st anniversary of my marriage was on 12/29/2015. As much as I don’t want the “scarlet D” to define me, I suppose in some ways it does right now. I am still trying to navigate the pain, despair, fear, stigma, relief, hope, and promise of it all.  It’s a mess.

Catholic divorce is a huge subject. I am only starting to realize how huge. It is one of the few issues that is not only being actively being looked at for how to better handle, but actual changes have been instituted by Pope Francis with regards to the annulment process. So even though I feel like the lone pariah out here, all this tells me that there must be many millions of us out here struggling through this, surviving, thriving, moving on down the road. Hello to you.

Surprisingly, I have not found huge mountains of helpful resources and information from Catholics who are divorced, divorcing, etc., although there is no lack of resources on how to judge, marginalize, and further ostracize us from our faith. Wow, not cool. This is already bad enough without all that.

So where to start?

I have realized the better question for today is where to start back? Or more realistically, how to start back? For we are not starting our journey all over again at the beginning. There is no clean break when something that has been growing intertwined for more than half of your life is severed. Even your very identity is no longer what it was. And then throw being a Catholic into the mix, which adds all kinds of joy and horribleness to just about any process.

It wasn’t until after her husband divorced her (to marry a reportedly younger and more politically advantageous woman), that St. Helena went on to be inspired by her son to become Christian. She then spent her life building and restoring churches and shrines in the Holy Land. I love that. She was not defined by her divorce. She was not separated from God by her divorce. I am inspired by that.

So how to start back? I think first with a prayer. The prayer to St. Helena…

Holy and blessed Saint Helena, with the anguish and devotion with which you sought the Cross of Christ, I plead that you give me God's grace to suffer in patience the labors of this life, so that through them and through your intercession and protection, I will be able to seek and carry the Cross, which God has placed upon me, so that I can serve Him in this life and enjoy His Glory ever after. Amen.

 

That’s about the best way I know to start anything.

Comments

[Rick aka Mr. Brutally Honest]

Courageous post Kathy... thanks for putting it up... you know, I hope, I wish you the very best on this journey...

[Tim Chesterton]

Powerful.

[chuck aka xtnyoda]

Kathy, what many do not realize is that "divorce" is a function of God's "justice" on the behalf of the abused, abandoned, and betrayed. God required a man that was going to simply kick his wife out to give her a writ of "divorce" so that she could be the wife of another man, instead of simply a "put away" wife that was still legally the man's wife. (Deut. 24:1-4)

My prayers are with you. Godspeed.