Posted by guest blogger Kathy Brents
Hello again and no, I did not fall off the face of the earth (although I cannot say that I have not endeavored to climb right up to the top of it)! I actually have some joy-filled experiences to share (soon) in a couple of posts I am trying to finish. But I just had one of those “coincidences” (*wink*) earlier today that I want to share. Since I last posted, I have had some the most absolutely amazing Holy Spirit-filled experiences I have ever had in my life. But intermixed with these there have also been times that have been extremely difficult to deal with. Things I have had to really grit my teeth to face and deal with. Times I have really had to steel myself against the attacks of devil telling me that I am a complete and abysmal failure, unloving, unlovable, just fighting the darkness and despair that continues to try to crop up in spite of so much joy abounding. And this is not just an annoyance like swatting at flies. It is grueling. I wish the devil would give up on me already is something that has come to my mind several times of late.
One of the recent big experiences was the Hispanic Pastoral Musicians Conference, hosted by our diocese, which I attended last weekend in Las Cruces, NM. It was fantastic! This was basically a conference for people working in the music ministries at church, which I do. There were speakers, training sessions ranging from reading music to vocal techniques to learning the guitar, cantoring, and more, and lots and lots of music, mostly bilingual thank goodness, because my Spanish at this point is certainly less than muy bien. One of the things they recommended, recognizing that sometimes it is difficult to stay completely engaged in the message of the Mass when you are running sound boards, organ, listening for cues in the Mass, etc., was holding a “bible study” group for the choir, in which you could read, reflect and discuss Sunday’s readings ahead of time and not miss out on a critical message when you in the midst of trying to tweak out the feedback coming from the lector’s microphone or figure out why nobody can hear Father over his. So, fresh and enthusiastic after our weekend adventure, we held our first bible study today before choir practice. There were four of us and we alternated reading the readings for this Sunday. My turn came and…
That I, Paul, might not become too elated,
because of the abundance of the revelations,
a thorn in the flesh was given to me, an angel of Satan,
to beat me, to keep me from being too elated.
Three times I begged the Lord about this, that it might leave me,
but he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you,
for power is made perfect in weakness.”
I will rather boast most gladly of my weaknesses,
in order that the power of Christ may dwell with me.
Therefore, I am content with weaknesses, insults,
hardships, persecutions, and constraints,
for the sake of Christ;
for when I am weak, then I am strong.2 COR. 12:7-12
By the fourth line, my mouth had gone dry, realizing what I was reading. By the end, I was torn between feeling the sting of tears and shouting with laughter that God has not abandoned me yet again!! That even when we are fighting darkness, He is reaching out and trying to get through, if only WE WILL HEAR. And this particular message resonates so loudly with me - because I am not mired in misery at all, but it is completely like a thorn in my side that I cannot get rid of in spite of my efforts to hold on to the victories, the moments, the elation, the hope. That “God’s time” thing is always tripping me up. But look! It is through the misery – the thorn – that the power of Christ may dwell with us. And with that (to quote Third Day song “He is Alive), “the battle still rages, but the war has been won”.
And as God not only gives you what you need, but often so much more. When we walked over to choir practice, there was a little added encouragement waiting there for me in the form of the closing hymn we are doing on Sunday…
One of my favorites since coming to the desert. A couple weeks ago I went backpacking in the Pecos Wilderness (more on that ADVENTURE soon) and this was one of the songs running as cadence through my head. Yes sir, God fills my heart! And I just love a good "coincidence".
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