Read this morning at Mass by Father Mike, who asked the congregation to join in that reading:
It is impossible to persevere in a fervent evangelization unless we are convinced from personal experience that it is not the same thing to have known Jesus as not to have known him, not the same thing to walk with him as to walk blindly, not the same thing to hear his word as not to know it, and not the same thing to contemplate him, to worship him, to find our peace in him, as not to. It is not the same thing to try to build the world with his Gospel as to try to do so by our own lights. We know well that with Jesus life becomes richer and that with him it is easier to find meaning in everything. This is why we evangelize. A true missionary, who never ceases to be a disciple, knows that Jesus walks with him, speaks to him, breathes with him, works with him. He senses Jesus alive with him in the midst of the missionary enterprise. Unless we see him present at the heart of our missionary commitment, our enthusiasm soon wanes and we are no longer sure of what it is that we are handing on; we lack vigour and passion. A person who is not convinced, enthusiastic, certain and in love, will convince nobody.
-Pope Francis, Evangelii Gaudium (266)
I'm an imperfect messenger, a flawed and less than effective evangelist, someone who has experienced Christ's richness, His presence, His comfort, His consolation, His hope, His challenge, His conviction, His mercy, His gaze, His embrace , His love and much more and who desires that others experience Him similarly.
I will however screw up in the effort to point people to Him, I will in my zeal and via the filtration system that is my own sin, not attract but detract, not convince but dissuade, not build up but break down and for this I am sorry. Truly. Honestly. Genuinely.
Yet I cannot stop in what I'm doing, I cannot not speak of, not write about or not link to that which tells the story, that which points to the Truth as a person, the Way as exclusive, the Life as eternal.
I will likely mess this effort up more times than not and that is of course regrettable but in the end, it's not about me and this gives great comfort.
God pursues us.
He does so despite our weaknesses, our defects and our failings. And thank God, He does so despite the weaknesses, the defects and the failings of those attempting to be His emissaries.