Now that's funny right there

Morgan brings us the laugh of the day:

Tandem Writing Assignment

The following is a true story received from an English professor.

You know that book “Men are from Mars, Women from Venus”? Well, here’s a prime example of that. This assignment was actually turned in by two of my English students: Rebecca (last name deleted) and Gary (last name deleted).

First, the Assignment:

English 44A
SMU
Creative Writing
Prof. Miller

In-Class Assignment for Wednesday:

Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. One of you will then write the first paragraph of a short story. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back and forth.

Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached.

And now, the Assignment as submitted by Rebecca & Gary:

Rebecca starts:

At first, Laurie couldn’t decide which kind of tea she wanted. The camomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked camomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So camomile was out of the question.

Gary:

Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. “A.S. Harris to Geostation 17,” he said into his transgalactic communicator. “Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far…”. But before he could sign off a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship’s cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.

Rebecca:

He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. “Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel.” Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth — when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspapers to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. “Why must one lose one’s innocence to become a woman?” she pondered wistfully.

Gary:

Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu’udrian mothership launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through Congress had left earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anu’udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion which vaporized Laurie and 85 million other Americans. The President slammed his fist on the conference table. “We can’t allow this! I’m going to veto that treaty! Let’s blow ‘em out of the sky!”

Rebecca:

This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic, semi-literate adolescent.

Gary:

Yeah? Well, you’re a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium.

Rebecca:

A**hole.

Gary:

B**ch.

Comments

[chuck aka xtnyoda]

I think in a way the writer of the above is actually opining for the "good ol' days" when "men were men" and... well... you know...

I think there are still a few viable pockets of resistance to the feminization of men... at least down here in the south... lots of them out killing deer about now.

My men ask me what I think about deer hunting on Sunday's. I tell them that as long as the preacher gets a tithe of everything killed on Sunday mornings that God will bless their efforts.

I can't store all the meat they bring me.

fun piece.

[Mike Devx]

I've loved that story from the first time I read it, wonderful! It's been around for at least ten years. One hopes that there is in fact truth behind it, because it is so dang entertaining and laugh out loud funny.

[Dan Gill]

Yeah, this isn't new, but it is funny. And it's true whether or not it's factual.

[Mommynator]

My son would be on the male end of that story. My girls would probably take up from him. They're not into the floofy girly crap that passes for feminine these days.

[Artorios Rex]

SO CLASSIC!! I first saw this in college like 15 years ago. You can tell it's old or else it would have said:
At first, Laurie googled to help her decide which kind of tea she wanted.
... or ...
“Why must one lose one’s innocence to become a woman?” she typed into her Facebook status.

[Jacob Klinger]

Heh, I definitely giggled with this one - thanks for posting!

[Frank]

If it were modern day the cross-dressing bi-sexual male would have been plotting to blow up his school instead of working on his project.

Mean while the girl would be drawing Japanamation cartoons and hiding behind her Emo styled long hair and sleeves (all while texting of course, OMG).

Sorry, I'm old fashioned.