"I doubt Jesus had crabs..."

Mike points us in the direction of the latest James Lileks screed and oh-my-gootness it's a doozy:

One of the signs, of course, said “Who Would Jesus Bomb.” Never heard that before. Hmm. Well. I think the proper question is “On Whom Would Jesus Levy Porous Sanctions Undermined by Corrupt International Officials Who turned Oil-For-Food Into a Massive Payola Operation for the International Nomenklatura,” but that wouldn’t fit on a sign.

The answer would, though. Jesus, you may recall, got the moneylenders out of the temple. How? With sternly worded pamphlets, I think. Also a march, which oddly enough included people who wanted the Jews out of Palestine. Strange bedfellows and all that.

So why do they get to play the Jesus card? Everyone got highly spooked over that bogus and rebogused story about how God came down in a flaming pillar and told Bush to invade Iraq. It makes an annual appearance, because it confirms what so many wish to believe: Bushitler is a freaky nutwad who thinks he gets specific operational instructions from on high everytime his knees hit the carpet. Sometimes the message comes in a dream, sometimes it’s a bird that looks at him with a cocked head, sometimes it’s the change in the color of his urine. You have to be careful to note the augurs.

He’s batshite, in other words, because he thinks he speaks for Jeebus. But the people on the streetcorner appear certain that Jesus did not want the Iraqi Defense Ministry leveled by Tomahawks in the middle of the night, no? Probably not. It’s just a jape to needle the Red State God-botherers, just the way they used to needle The Man in the 60s by pointing out that Jesus wore long hair and sandals just like high holy hippies did. Of course, I doubt Jesus had crabs, the clap, collapsed veins from a heroin habit and the abiding conviction that monkey-headed silverfish were coming out of the kitchen sink. But otherwise, yeah, peapod mates.

Is that good or what? (and isn't that question a little like asking "Are moonbats looney or what"?).  Do the right thing and go read it all.

And I will be ecstatic when Mr. Lileks, as promised, gets those RSS fees (sic) ready.

Comments

[MarcV]

Lileks presents a moving target when it comes to his faith, though I just don't sense where he feels a need for a relationship with Jesus. Perhaps he thinks that is so private he chooses not to write about it.

I appreciate his occasional support of us troglydyte Red Staters who love Jesus.

[Presbypoet]

Jesus was probably quite smelly and dirty, and hungry. He and His disciples wandered around with no fixed living arrangements. He had places they could stay, but reading between the lines, you can see a group subject to all the afflictions of anyone with only a thin cloak, and a rock for a pillow.

One time His disciples are criticized for "harvesting grain" on the sabbath. They were hungry. Jesus had compassion on them. He was hungry too.

Jesus probably bummed more meals than most homeless, (He had something His hosts wanted).
When the woman washes His feet with her hair, Jesus points out to His host, that he hadn't offered to wash Jesus' feet. The roads were dusty, Jesus was covered with sweat and dirt. Jesus was fully human. He got hungry. He got dirty. He had to s... by the side of the road. It wasn't fun. It wasn't easy. The bible says Jesus was made perfect through suffering.

While in his divine power he had the capacity to skip the suffering, that was exactly the devil's temptation; to skip the suffering. In the desert, the devil came to say. "You're hungry, just turn these stones to bread." Skip the suffering. Don't be fully human. Just be God, pretending to be human.

Here is a poem on the subject:
http://poemsfromgod.blogspot.com/2005/10/temptations.html
Since he was subject to all our afflictions, and he stayed in some not so nice places, it wouldn't surprise me if he did get crabs. If he got sick. We don't hear about it, because the focus of the gospels is not on all the dirty details, but the message that God came to us, lived a real life with us, suffered, died and was buried. Then rose in victory over death. As part of this, perhaps the most important part, there is the message that we, in all our brokenness and pain, can become vessels of divine healing, going to the sick, going to those in pain, and suffering with them, to bring them hope.

That is the message of the gospels. God is with us. In my current torment of pain at my father's broken back, my son's thoughts of suicide, and impossible economic condition, God is with me. I know his joy. He will never leave me. But as He lived, He sends me into suffering, for His purposes. The pain is never welcome. I didn't ask for it, yet driving back from BART late last night, returning home from visiting my father in the hospital, I felt so close to God. So full of His hope. In my weakness, I know God.

[Zossima]

Presby, I appreciate your thoughts. I resonate deeply with them. This is the gospel---that Christ suffers with us, that Christ will rescue us, and that we can by his Spirit through our brokenness suffer with and rescue others. Thank you. If every Calvinist saw what you see... ; )

[Presbypoet]

Z,
You realize i am the strangest Calvinist you will ever meet; a poetic, prophetic, Presbyterian, who also goes to Catholic services, (where some of "my" best poetry is written). It is in the intersection of opposites, you will find the paradox of truth.

Have you ever checked out my blog to find out what I'm really like? We need to continue our discussions.