Thinking right, about being a man, about being a woman

Right Thinking Girl has a host of tips on being a man in 2004. 10 of them here for your reading pleasure:

* Eat meat. Real men eat meat; you need the protein and iron. It makes your muscles stronger and there's something very sexxxy and primative about watching a guy eat a steak.

* Work out. A man doing pushups.... nothing sexier. NOTHING.

* We will expect you to defend us if someone breaks into our home. You may have to kill somebody. If you're not prepared for that, please tell us during the dating phase, before we sleep with you, so we can reject you and find someone else with better instincts.

* Know the directions. I'm not saying you have to stop and ask for directions. Lisa and I both agree it's very hot when a guy is lost and finds his way all by himself. We love logical brains. Don't let bitchy women bully you into asking for directions, or into doing anything else you don't want to do.

* Let us hit your biceps as much as we want. We're fascinated by them because no matter how much we work out, ours aren't going to be as big and sexy as yours. It's comforting to just ball up our fist and gently punch that really tight muscle. It reminds us how big and strong you are.

* Own a gun. Or at least a baseball bat. Or be as big as Vin Diesel. We want to feel safe.

* Do not put up with nagging. From anyone. It's emasculating and it never accomplishes anything. (Ladies, either learn to live with it or shut up.)

* Valentine's Day is a great time for flowers and stuff but we know you're doing it because of peer pressure. Better to bring the flowers on a really bad day to cheer us up, and then doing something else entirely for Valentine's Day.

* Be nice to other women but don't flirt. It makes us cranky and you can't get away with it because you're pretty much under global surveillance (yes, even you). You do it and we'll find out and it'll be a nasty evening. Just be a gentleman.

* Help us with unweildly grocery bags, open the door for us (every single time), and say please and thank you. Manners are important. But be careful not to be her slave. You're a man, not a servant. You're supposed to protect us, love us, and care for us, but not be so worshipful that your body no longer produces testosterone.

She also has a ton of tips on being a woman in 2004:

* Do not nag him. He doesn't need to hear your whiney little voice complaining about something he doesn't want to change. Just sssshhh!

* Dress like a girl. They like us because we're girls, not miniature boys. Skirts are so popular in spring and summer for a reason. Not only are they much cooler than pants, it gives boys ideas. They imagine that the easier access means something.

* Don't fall into the habit of wearing sweats and a t-shirt around the house. It can be cute but if it's all he sees you in, he's going to start looking at the Hooters girls a little too carefully.

* Never, ever talk badly about your man. Whatever fight you had, it's between you two. Don't tell your girlfriends, your boss, or God forbid, your mother.

* Don't embarrass him in front of his friends. There's a social order to everything and if you bitch at him in front of his friends, it emasculates him. Treat him like the prince he is, even if you're seething with rage.

* Expect him to be kind, generous, loving, gentle and sweet, but don't expect him to be happy about running your errands every day for a month. In other words, don't take advantage of men's naturally generous natures.

* Men don't like complainers, especially if there is nothing to be done about it. Guys want to help, and if you give him a problem he can't solve (ie, you have blisters and there's no bandaids and you refuse to take off your shoes) it makes him feel like a failure.

* PMS is not an excuse to be mean to him. Don't be short with him or be rude. Nicely tell him you feel bad and you're much more likely to get what you need.

* Work out. They like our bods for a reason. Give them lots of reasons.

* Seduce him. Often. He'll feel awesome and that can only be good for both of you.

There's some serious wisdom. And Mrs. Brutally Honest, who is all woman, I think would agree...

:)

Comments

[Mrs. Brutally Honest]

Definitely a great post. I can personally say that Mr. Brutally Honest is all man. And because he is, it makes me want to have the woman characteristics even more. Some women may think this post is pure chauvinism on a man's part, but it's not. I for one am very glad at the royal treatment that I receive...not just once or twice a year...but every day. That doesn't make me weak....cuz I'll clobber anyone who says I am :)
What it does make me is a woman who knows for sure that she is loved to the max...no doubts....ever.

[chuckels]

Hey Rick,
Better not post this on the DPS site!
chuckels

[Rick]

Good idea Chuckels...

I think I'll do just that...

Heh...

[Rick]

Oh Chuckels... are they predictable over there on the DPS or what?

Heh...

[sambulo kunene]

do this solve the economy of the world
solve the secrets of life
solve my sex problems
solve my insecurity problems about my inability to be a good man or husband or wife
solve my childrens problems
help me with my leadership problems
neglect your life and take care of our country
allow us to abuse you so that you can heal our country
be a stupid person when called upon
show us our dreams
solve my language problems
all problems upon demand solve all of these
be my stereotype than i will be happy and i will leave you alone
allow me to send police to almost kill you at will
allow me to imprison you at will so that your husband can heal our girls
allow me to look at you complain and kick and scream about america we are in the inside and you are not
let me train your children to be my future
be my slave simanga i cannot fend for myself
be my contribution to the world since i cannot reason my idiocy
we are in the spot light so that we can be annoymously abused
nobody cares about your complaints you are the reason a lot of people have paychecks to day
any theory try it on sambulo and see if it works ever wished to see a normal person become an animal send simanga to the moon for test and taunt daily to see how she dies or how she deals with the deception and keep asking her to give you vidoes of your imagiantion also dont forget to wish her luck
talk about her to people on earth to make sure every one knows her that way she cannot escape from your lusty fangs

that is our gift from anchorage to us and we dont even know those people yet they love us to be their dogs and we hate them for it and they dont want to leave us alone we were captured in our home notwithstanding california with its inbreeding programe of abuse how many words can i tell thee!!

let us not count the ways of executing people for gratis

sambulo kunene
did you speak to anyone about us i should hope lest we send to army to your home and baptize you with our hatred

good luck she says
i want you to be our backyard that' all
and i say leave us alone and he says i wont leave you alone you are my pet and i insist you remain silent until i walk to my field and find you sprawled and devored by the eagles

hell on earth i thought it could never get worse you showed me
your shoes are uglier and you are our ugliest we have met

[sambulo]

i almost think that i am going to die soon i think its the weather and all the worries about the world how to solve the demands of the voice over artist and the con artist in my phone list who thinks that i anm pregnant with ideas of wanting to be told just by her and him how to satisfy their dying wishes of terror!
have you ever lived when you felt like dying
sorry that is already a song by a jamaican artist and the followers say we in control

[sambulo]

i love you i said when will you stop
stop yes stop being so sad
can't you tell everyone is happy for you for being so sure its okay!
i feel the beat and i think sure it's okay!

[saambulo]

i rode all the way from albequeque for this?
actually there is more i wanted you to be my wife
are you certain that you took all the neccessary precautions with all the other significant others
yes i did that is why i have brought you here to make you my god forsaken love and my faith and my will
now what do you say
are we on for friday or are we a june bride
bride and groom you mean
are you not satisfied with us just being friends
i am satisfied with you not shocking me with more happiness
the end

[sambulo kunene]

congratulations you are the last contestant to this the failure of the mind and the horrors of being that which you despise.
i heard there was not much to gossip about that really when push comes to shove it was a matter of nurture vs nature. we tend to think that the right side won. it is okay to be wrong this time and i am pleased i am the one to figure that out.

do i love you yes sambulo i do love you and yes simanga i have been in love with you always.

[sambulo]

let us try and be as hamonious with nature as we possibly can. all is well. one way of showing that you embrace nature is by smiling. smiling generally involves a slight movement of the mouth and a brief show of teeth in a warm generous way, generous of spirit that is. as if to say i was not sure before i am now look i can even show it!

[sambulo kunene]

after a tragic incident in my life she insisted on having my get wells from jehova and then i just felt so sad as i realized i have no place in the universe, even to get here it meant loosing three lifetimes because her husband felt awkward and inadequate and her boyfriend did not love her as much as he did before his wife found out about her. that is what selfish means that is how people are sometimes when they fail their homework at life when even no has no meaning to them. bit by bit she started sending people to remind me that she is not hacking it at life inspite the oxygen and the polluted air. she kept on asking for more favours ours was her bottomless pit of demands as if we were a land of plenty and we cried at the joke of life of having said it was okay to move around and to bless life we started to realize that not only are thorns in the bush but in our lives and in our bars and in our shelters and in our middle class life as we follow the rules others are waiting for us to follow the rules for them. we say no we want our private space without your spying and without your imput and you say let me remind you whose life is it anyway yours i think not mine and only mine you lucky your alive today i let you live you dumb bitch. and all my college fund just went down the toilet.

[sambulo kunene]

i am not talking to you and my heart sank as i realize that you will never ever stop talking to me that you are just a lunatic who has nothing better to do.

[sambulo kunene]

i know you are having a bad response at being caught that you are a liar and a cheat that not only is your husband the only terror in our lives your boyfeiend too. we wonder if you will ever stop calling us asking us to tell you it is okay to hallucinate and think you are in a strangers life after she pays your rent. that it is okay to scream when your boyfirend does not show up in time to feed your dummy. that you have a license to kill and to maime at will just as long as you get to decide who to kill and how and when we said we dont like you we dont work in the bar where you met him and we are not interested in you being around us on our last day on earth or in our happy life we have had enough of your grumbling at being a hackler at our life we hate ever meeting you youa are like a disease to us a disease that makes excuses of why we should not take pills to kill it. you say i was here long before you were born you are a terror a forever terror in our lives and you are happy for it and we are sad you forced your life into ours. you are also not only a terror but a future that we should all be protected from even though you have power to stalk us we hope for better weapons to protects us from you and for better armor to safeguard us from your thinking mind we await for the last hour that you shall see the earth and say we are almost free for having been dirted by your insatiable gossiping mind of terror.

[SAMBULO KUNENE]

THANK GOD YOU ARE GONE!

YOU AND MANY LIKE YOU EMBARRASS ME SO MUCH I WISH I WAS NEVER BORN. BUT THEN AGAIN MANY HAVE SAID THAT BEFORE. IN THIS INSTANCE IT IS EXHIBITING AN UNKNOWN TERROR AND I WISH YOU WOULD STOP TALKING ME FOREVER!

I see myself as...

[REBECCA]

SAMBULO KUNENE

YOU ARE A SMART PERSON & A GREAT WRITER! DON'T LET
THE TERRORISTS WIN - THEY ARE WEAKER THAN YOU
NO MATTER THE MASTER
EVERY PET CAN BITE

REBECCA ROBERTS
HOTTDROPS@YAHOO.COM

[laura]

Sambulo have you tried talking to his brothers about him I am sure they could help you out and maybe try and get this divorce for you so that you can finally be free

[tim aka The Godless Heathen]

WTF?